My grandfather died last Friday. I am heartbroken, as he was one of the most influential people in my life. I could go on and on about how loving and strong he was. When I was little, I swore he was actually John Wayne. His name was John after all, and he wore a cowboy hat, so it made sense. It turns out he wasn’t THE John Wayne, but he was just as amazing. I received the call from my father two weeks ago that grandpa’s cancer was moving faster than originally thought. I did not hesitate to rent a car and drive over 400 miles to see him that weekend. I am so thankful that I did. That is a weekend I will never forget, being able to sit with my grandfather and talk, hold his hand, and give him lots of hugs. My life is forever changed because of the influence he had while he was here, and because of the hole that is present now that he is gone.
I am a mother of three that works part time and goes to college part time. My homework has suffered since this has all been happening, and the weight of it is getting heavy. But wait….there’s more. My husband’s grandmother is not so well, and I am trying to be emotionally supportive to him and my children during this transition time. My mother has to get a biopsy on a growth they found in her uterus next Wednesday. My stepfather just received word that his heart is in trouble, and he has to get a procedure done next Thursday that will determine if he needs a bypass or stents placed in his heart. That is a whole week away! What if something happens before then? And my car….it’s awful. We have been looking for a new one for me for quite awhile. I found the perfect car, and it was affordable, but my husband and I could not find a mutual time to look at it together. We were headed to go last night, and I got a call that it had just sold that afternoon.
Life is throwing a combination of bad after bad at me lately. I am emotionally spent, and being able to keep a smile is getting harder and harder. I told my brother yesterday that I feel like I am at a batting cage. But the automatic pitching machine is stuck on high, and it keeps throwing balls at me faster and faster, too quick to have time to recover in between. What does a person do then, but lay down and surrender? I know that is not an option. But man, I’d sure like a bit of recovery time before the next tragedy.
For now, I will push through. Focus on the good more than the bad. Like the quote from The Crow says, “It can’t rain all the time.” Right?