We’re All Trying To Get Back In

Social scenarios are not my forte. A crowded room of people is not a comfortable place for me. I find myself getting nervous, panicked, and clumsy in these settings. The thought of presenting myself to others in a manner that will lead them to like me is stressful. If you think about it, we all put this pressure on ourselves from time to time. It does not matter how old you are, the need to fit in survives decade after decade. Hell, I am 38 years old, and I still find myself around people that make me question my own worth. They have better houses or a better car, and I am left feeling inadequate and reaching for more. Looking sideways at the door, because I just want to run from the room and hide in my home.  However, the people that I am feeling inferior to could care less about my home or car, and enjoy being around me. I am just too self conscious to see that. Being self conscious holds us back, and creates the atmosphere around us, causing us to feel like outsiders.

I see it happening with my youngest daughter. A group of friends that she has had for years, has now chosen to turn her into an outsider. They no longer invite her to do things, and relentlessly drag her down at school. My daughter would come home and tell me things they were saying to her, and I would quietly wish for this to blow over. My daughter has always lived outside of the box. She wears what she wants, no matter what the styles are. She is creative, imaginative, and fun to be around. Yet, it wasn’t until I saw it with my own eyes at a Christmas event at the school, that I fully felt what she dealt with on a daily basis from these girls. They were in their group, pointing and whispering at my daughter as we walked by. It did not matter to them that I, an adult, was right there, they still pursued my girl just to put her down. It’s ugly, and unfortunately something that has happened at schools for ages. However, it stings a bit more when you see it happening to your own child. My daughter looked away, but I stared all three of those girls right in their eyes with the meanest mom look I could give. One girl looked ashamed at what she had done, but she is following, just trying to fit in with the girls who were so quick to turn on my daughter. Now my daughter is trying to find where her place is in all of it. She feels like the outsider, claiming she no longer has friends. Outcasted by some, she is slowly making new friends, and I hope she finds her shine again.

My oldest daughter has always marched to the beat of her own drum. She does not cave in to the latest crazes, and does not sacrifice who she is just to fit in. I see in her too, that sense of a lost outsider as she moves about her school days. However, she has survived, and maintained her true self. Friends have come and gone, as everyone is trying to figure out where they belong. After all, that is what we are all trying to do in this life. She lets self doubt, and feeling of worthlessness creep in from time to time, but overcomes and perseveres. She asked if it was hard for me in high school, and I told her “I thought it was at the time. But looking back, I was never mistreated, and eventually found a place where I belonged.” It’s funny how, in the moment, I swore high school was plain awful, but now look back and see I was just fine.outsiders

In this life we are all outsiders looking for our home base. Circumstances are temporary, and self doubt can skew what reality looks like. We are like puzzle pieces, looking for our spot to make life’s picture whole. Cliques and groups are a necessary evil in life, but opening our eyes to the fact that we are all looking for our place, can soften our self doubt, and open the door for change. We do not have to be friends with everyone on this earth, but we should all work hard on getting along. Empathy for our fellow outsiders is crucial in promoting our own progression. After all, we are all standing outside of this life together just trying to get back in.

The Outsiders

10 thoughts on “We’re All Trying To Get Back In

  1. In the last year, my daughter lost her friends that she had since JK.
    They said she was annoying behind her back.
    Now she has only 1 close friend at school.
    A few more from sports.

    She is ok with that though. At I least I think so. She is quiet and never tells her mom or I anything.
    We found out about the friend thing through the one girl she hangs around with at school.

    I say if your daughter has no friends, tslk to the older daughter to try and be her friend.
    You can do friend type stuff with her and tell her to talk to you, no judging.
    Maybe check into stuff she likes for groups she can join. Library, av club, video games, sports etc. She can find other friends, and when she does, the other little beotches will not bother her.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your thoughts! We are definitely getting her to join more groups outside of school. She recently joined the youth theater, and has made some friends there. She will get through it for sure! Just like your daughter 🙂

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  2. This is really well said. Very powerful, painful too. One of the hard things in faith is letting go of our need and desire for people favor and placing our trust in the Lord, seeking His favor. People can be fickle,they can let you down,but He never will.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this! It is so honest and so true. We all have times where we feel insignificant and less-then. Let’s build each other up and remind us of our worth. I think you must do a great job at encouraging your daughter and those around you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This brought tears to my eyes, the line “we are all standing outside of this life together just trying to get back in” is so true, so isolating and so heartbreaking… Your daughters have you to show them the way, to give them strength and that will make sure they aren’t standing outside life, you are together and are in it.
    Thanks for sharing your daughters story.

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  5. It’s with pride that I read this. Having known you for all of your youngest’s life, I have watched her blossom into this creative and inspiring individual. It hurts to know anyone would purposely be mean to her. Your grace and unending support as a mother will take, and has taken, your children very far.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for this! I hope that my kids can learn that they are worth more than what so called “friends” make them feel like they are. I am thankful my kids have you in their lives ❤

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