Ba Humbug

In this season of being thankful, I find myself feeling low. I have been reflecting on all I have, all I am, and all I long to be.

I am miserable. What the hell is wrong with me? The heavy burden of carrying it all by myself is finally crushing me. I am longing for the companionship of someone who has an interest in the idea of being an active participant in the family. I am tired of the laziness, I am tired of doing everything myself, I am tired of being the only one trying.

I get jealous when I see other couples who are happy. I get sad when I see husbands helping their wives. I long to not feel so weighed down by everything I tackle everyday. 

And I am sad. My friend is dying of cancer, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I am angry because it is not fair, and I am sad because I do not want to think of life without him in it. This waiting for death is rediculous. 

I’m tired of alcoholic family members, and the chaos that comes with that. It is draining and frustrating. Sometimes I feel it would be best if I talked to nobody at all. 

I’m heartbroken that I put so much effort into this day, only to have it go unappreciated. I’m tired.

Tomorrow will be better I’m sure. Today is just very hard.

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