You Don’t Have to Fit In

Fitting in is tough. No matter how great of a person you are, it seems you never truly fit in. However, to the people that are around you, you are seen as one who fits in completely.

My daughter is going through this right now. She is a freshman in high school, and is mature beyond her years. She is strong willed, independent, and has a sense of who she wants to be. She is not athletic, she is in orchestra. She loves art and music, and she refuses to conform to the “norm” at school. She doesn’t wear name brand clothes, she prefers to shop at thrift stores. She actually hates it when I take her to a store to get something new. I am proud of her, beyond proud. I am always saying that she has an old soul, and that she is so much fun to have around. Sadly, the kids that “fit in” at school like to criticize her for what she wears and other things they can find to pick on her about. She was really sad after school today, and it makes me sad that these other kids care more about fitting in, than getting to know her at all. My heart hurts for her as I can picture what she goes through at school, and how she stands up for herself so well. She will make it through this. She will make friends that share her interests. It all just takes time.

I never fit in in high school. But, much like my daughter, I didn’t care. I was editor of the yearbook, and had my close circle of friends. That was all I needed. She will find that, too. It’s funny, because even now I find myself in situations where I am “left out.” For instance, my son plays football. He has played with the same boys on the same team for four years now. At practice, and at the games, I am usually sitting alone, or with one other family. Then there is a whole group of parents with boys on the team who always sit together. Always. Reminds me of high school, as there is no room for new people, and if I ever try to talk with one of them, it is awkward. One time I even saw one of the moms at the mall, and said hi to her. She looked me right in the eye, and turned and walked away. OK. Whatever. It doesn’t hurt like it used to. I grew up. I moved on from cliques and stereotypes. I don’t need to feel wanted, because the group of people I do call friends accept me for who I am, and are fun to be around. So, every year, at the end of the season, we are all excited when they win. Then don’t talk again until next Fall. And it’s okay.

oscar

I hope that my daughter will stay true to who she is. In the end, she will be so much happier, than if she had conformed, and been who she wasn’t. Some people quit valuing the stigma of “fitting in”, and they simply just be and live. She will find her spot in the world. And she will have the time when the not fitting in part doesn’t even matter anymore.

10 thoughts on “You Don’t Have to Fit In

  1. You sound like a proud mom! How amazing that your daughter is mature enough to be herself even when her classmates are picking on her. It sounds like you’ve raised her well. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Days Like This… | A Beautiful Disaster

  3. It is hard, I know. I was always told I was an old soul. Still don’t really fit in but I fit into my skin more nicely. I finally found comfort in who I am. It takes time and it is sad that people can’t just accept us as we are but I wouldn’t change anything about me. Someday she will realize this too. Tell her she is not alone. I wrote this a while ago for my own girls. Maybe it can help . . .

    You say you have
    no imagination
    but yet,
    that can’t be true.

    For every day
    you search for ways
    to prove
    I should be more like you.

    Your advertising is flawless
    with glossy, runway style
    I’d be remiss to ignore
    your photos in the magazine aisle.

    Follow us, you’ll be happy
    said with subtly stenciled grin
    fast cars, dollars, fancy clothes
    don’t you want to fit in?

    As I glance in the mirror
    I might not always love what I see
    but I’m smart enough to realize
    the lies you are selling to me.

    For fast cars, dollars, fancy clothes
    may fulfill you for a spell
    true value lies within the heart
    it’s not something you can sell.

    Too busy chasing fanatasies
    where everything has a price
    but you often end up empty-handed
    perhaps you need a little advice.

    Feel content with who you are
    and never second-guess
    you don’t have to be a star
    to feel you’ve had success.

    Your feeling heart, for all you are
    inside, may not be shown
    but everything inside of you
    is worth more than what you own.

    Your heart sings the sweetest melodies
    and your lips are filled with prose
    your beauty goes much deeper still
    when you feel confident, it shows.

    So listen not to all they say
    for painted lies aren’t true
    show the world what’s in your heart
    don’t follow – just be you.

    Sumyanna, 2014

    Liked by 1 person

  4. High School could be so rough, especially the first year. She’ll find her niche of friends who share the same interests. Maybe some of the kids who don’t understand her now, will grow and appreciate that she is her own person as the HS years go on.

    Liked by 1 person

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