Outside Looking In (Day 5) – Fog, Elegy, Metaphor

/ asewalson

The weight of the world falls heavy on you,

you keep bending until you break.

I watch as they dispense the cure in your hands,

and hope this time it will take.

Instead this chemical, in all its pure form,

crushes your very soul.

You become changed, and slightly more deranged,

and someone I don’t even know.

It was supposed to turn despair into hope,

and pull you from the depths of the bog.

They promised false hope, as it changed you so much,

and trapped you in an eternal fog.

17 thoughts on “Outside Looking In (Day 5) – Fog, Elegy, Metaphor”

  2. I had a hard time clicking the ‘Like’ button. Not at all because it wasn’t deserving, on the contrary, it was great. But because there is so much raw emotion, it seemed odd to ‘like’ something so somber. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  3. I liked how the rhythm worked here — there was a steady momentum to it that worked really well as a counterpoint to the actual (sad) progress you describe in the poem. Really nicely done.

    (Puts on Grammar Police uniform)
    I think there’s an “it’s” that’s actually supposed to be an “its” around line 5.
    (Takes Grammar Police uniform off)

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s