Parenting is tough sometimes.
I love my kids, more than life itself, but man, I doubt myself so much when it comes to what is best for them. If self doubt was an Olympic sport, I would bring the USA gold in this event every four years. I wish that there was some kind of parenting book tailored for each of us parents, so, when we are in doubt, we could turn to the specific chapter and get instant, fail proof answers.
I woke up this morning in a full blown panic about my children and their schooling. My oldest will be going back to middle school second semester, because she wants to attend high school next year. I am proud of her. She has always had such a good sense of self, and what she wants out of life. I have no doubt she will do great things. The thing that really struck a cord with me is something she said. She said, “Mom, I just don’t feel like I’m learning enough here with you.” Painful to hear, but appreciated in it’s honesty.
Enter my panic attack. My son, who is in 5th grade this year, has always been one or two grades ahead in math. He loves math. Being homeschooled this year, I worry I am not doing enough for him. Which then leads me to worry about, what if he wants to go to middle school next year. What if he’s put in the wrong math class because I have hindered him? Should I just put him back in school now? And my first grade daughter, who is at a third grade reading level, and doing second grade math. Am I failing her? Am I failing them all? Where is the parenting book I need right now, so I can turn to the chapter on gut feelings and schooling your children?
I quit my full time job, for a job with less hours and less pay, to follow my gut to homeschool my children. It is something I believe in so much, but worry about everyday. I wrote a blog about two months ago, Am I really failing at everything, and it seems I am still feeling this way today.
I always want to do what is right for my children, so they can achieve their true potential, and greatness. Am I really hindering them, or just hindering myself for always doubting me……